I am so behind! I have not written since the first of the year, but I’m back.
Last month, I was going through our old family album, and came across this picture. As soon as I saw the picture, it made me smile. It put one of the biggest smiles on my face. Why? I looked so happy! I could tell this picture was taken before my molestation had taken place. How could I tell? If you look closely, you see a little girl who is worry free, joyful, and doesn’t have a care in the world. I compared the pictures with others that were in the album, and I could definitely distinguish the difference. The huge smile I see on the picture reminds me of the smile I wear today. I absolutely love my smile. If people ever ask what’s my favorite feature, I always answer, my smile.
Today I love my smile for so many reasons than I have before. Let me tell you why. Far too long I wore a fake a smile, hiding my pain, my hurt, my past of molestation, and every effect that comes along with sexual abuse. I faked it so well; no one really knew what was beneath my smile. I pretended to be happy. I pretended to be okay. I pretended that nothing ever happened to me. I pretended that I was never molested. I just smiled.
When I look at this picture, I feel just like the little girl today. That little girl gives me reassurance that I am okay. I can smile for real now. I don’t have to pretend anymore. That little girl tells me not to be afraid. That little girl tells me that I’m beautiful. The biggest message that little girl sends me is: “After you endure that small moment of pain, you’ll smile again. God is with you, and HE will use you and your smile for HIS glory.“
I’ll never forget what happened and neither will that little girl, but her smile and her message is what will continue to help me on my journey to move forward. I don’t have to live in the past, but my past is what created this strong, courageous, lethal, beautiful, and powerful woman. My past is what birthed One Touch Transformation. My past is what gave me a real smile.
So, although I cannot look at every childhood picture the same, I have this picture to be thankful for. I stumbled across it for a reason, and that reason is to remind me of who I am today; that little girl who should be worry free and joyful, without a care in the world.