Singing, “It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeaaarrrr!”
I’m singing that because Fall is finally here. Make sure you check out my video of “When you realize it’s the first day of Fall.” I’m sure it will give you a good laugh!
So, a couple of weeks ago, I had a few thoughts running through my head, and I’ve come to a conclusion about some things regarding my life. I know when more people find out, it may come as a huge shock, but it’s my decision. Now, I know God has blessed me with plenty of skills and talents, and one of them is singing. I enjoy singing and performing, and it takes me to a place like no other. I’ll always sing as long as God allows me to, and I will continue to minister as a praise and worship leader. Those two things will never change. So, what has changed? Let me break it down for you.
As of lately, I’ve really enjoyed devoting my time to my nonprofit, and it just seems as if my life is more complete. For the longest, I always thought something was missing. I was working Monday-Friday and attending services every weekend. I hated just being effective on the weekends. (Well, I guess I can’t really say I wasn’t being effective on my job because I still let my light shine while I was there.) But I always thought I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t making a difference outside of the four walls like I wanted to.
For the longest I thought singing is what I was called to do. It was my passion, and I pursued it for a while. I wrote plenty of songs, performed at various events, put on a couple of concerts, uploaded videos-I just did all I could to pursue it. I am not ashamed to say that I studied Beyoncé’ to get performance techniques because hands down she knows how to entertain a crowd. I never wanted to be a typical gospel artist or performer because I knew I was too animated and too out of the box to stick with just gospel. I wanted to be known as an inspirational or Christian artist. Those who know me know that I love me some Toby Mac and will still jump at the opportunity to perform on stage with him!
So two weeks ago, I performed at Gospel in the Park in my hometown, Hartsville, and I enjoyed myself and was satisfied with my performance. The next three days, I was pondering about pursing music along with devoting time to my nonprofit. As of lately I would get tired of people asking, “Why aren’t you doing anything with your music?” My answer was and still is I’m focusing on my nonprofit. I am more concerned about helping those who have been hurt from sexual abuse and who are trying to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually. With all of those thoughts going through my head for three days, I came to the conclusion that I no longer want to pursue singing as a career or even become an “artist.” Maybe it’s a phase, and maybe it’s just how I’m feeling right now. I just know I’m okay if it happens, and I’m okay if it doesn’t happen. Honestly, I feel like I’m already an artist in my own way. I use what God has given me to apply it to my personal ministry, and I must say that it is creative in its own way.
So, I say all of that to say this:
I am content with where I am in life. I’m grateful for what God has already given me and what he has done for me. I’m still expecting great things, but I know I’m already blessed. I am truly happy because I am free and fearless!
(Photocredit: Emily Christopher)