A Letter to my Rapist...AMWT 23
Dear Uncle Troy,
I bet you’re surprised to hear from me, but there are some things I just have to let you know. For starters, I want you to know how much pain you caused me and how much pain you caused my family. Do you know what I’m talking about? Do you have any idea what you did to me? If not, let me remind you. Well, 23 years ago, you took something very precious without my control. I didn’t have a say so at all! You just snatched it away like a bully snatching candy from a scared little kid. I remember what you smelled like, and I’ll forever remember that smell, thanks a lot! I have a question….what made you choose me? I was only six years old. As I got a little older, you still would touch me inappropriately. I hated the way you looked at me. Your looks made me feel dirty, disgusting, and ashamed. I was scared of what would happen to the family and was scared everyone would blame me, so I remained silent. I guess you knew how scared I was to speak up, so you gave me money to make sure I kept quiet.
I started hating the way I looked. I hated my hair and thought no guy would ever like me for me. As I got older, my mind was trained to think that guys would like me for what I could do for them. I sought the attention of them, and I let them touch me just so I could feel better about myself. Time after time I felt the need to feel beautiful because I just didn’t know how. There was a time when I thought I needed to turn to another woman in order to truly be loved and accepted for this broken person you turned me into.
BUT before I even let you think that you won, let me tell what I’ve been able to do.
Over these past 23 years this is what I’ve been able to do despite being “broken.” I excelled academically while I was in high school. I was an honors student and graduated in the top of my class. I went to college and graduated from the great institution of Francis Marion University. I’ve written several songs and even made a music video for one of my songs. Not only did I graduate with a degree, but I’ve also obtained two master’s degrees. I founded my own non-profit organization that has helped me heal and that has helped others heal. Listen at this: I was nominated and received the Extraordinary Overcomer Award! I’m no longer ashamed or feel bad for something that I didn’t ask for. I now love myself and know that I am beautiful. I’m finally learning how to accept love and someone actually loves me for me. I’m stronger, not weaker. I’m better and not bitter. Most of all I know I’m not in this alone. I have strong supporters and I have GOD. There is so much more I could say, but I’m going to end this letter and save the rest for my book! I hope you purchase a copy too!